It’s 7:30 am on a summer Monday morning. I'm seven, maybe eight years old, standing on the basketball court at Royal Palm Beach High School. Surrounded by a bunch of kids whom I didn’t even know, I knew I didn’t want to be there. Little did I know, I came into contact with an individual who would change the way I approach life forever.
There are some things in life that we have no control over. But you can control these two things: your effort and attitude. Without a doubt, these two things can completely transform an individual’s life. Both cost nothing, and in every single situation, we can hold control over effort and attitude.
On that summer morning. I ran into a man who embodied control over effort and attitude. The head coach of the camp doubled as the head coach of the boys' basketball team at that school. He was one of the more respected coaches in our area. He was known for producing good players and his ability to create a good culture. As you can guess, coaching high school-age boys may be one of the hardest things to do. You are battling young egos, family drama in each kid's life, and to be honest, some kids can be extremely mean at that age. He never let that hold him back, and somehow, most of his players loved him. Unfortunately, he was diagnosed with Spastic Hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy, which means the one side of his body didn’t work properly.
Many individuals might let a disability ruin their desire to play sports. However, this coach did not. He inspired me because of the way he approached his life. I'm not sure how many players he impacted, but he definitely made one on me at those camps.
We would start every morning off with 2 laps around the court, and then we would break into lines and start to stretch. During each stretch, we counted to ten, clapped twice, and said attitude. He made us say attitude because it highlighted the fact that we can control our attitudes. In his situation, he could have felt like a victim, and society would have accepted that. But instead, he rose above and controlled his attitude. By controlling his attitude in life, he capitalized on the opportunities that presented themselves in his life.
There will be golden opportunities to victimize yourself throughout your homeschooling journey. Sometimes you feel over-stressed, over-worked, and just when you think you can’t take any more, something else will go wrong. Do not surrender to the pressure of quitting. Funnily, life can present us with just the right amount of adversity that we can personally handle. If you turn your back on this adversity, you turn your back on an opportunity to become stronger.
You can succeed through adversity by controlling your attitude and your effort. In theory, this should be quite easy. However, any human being can tell you majority of the time, it's harder said than done.
How can you use my summer camp experience to help you succeed in your homeschooling journey? It’s simple. Control your attitude and outlook over each experience that appears, whether good or bad.
A homeschooling family will constantly run into unexpected turns, different emergencies, and other situations that will throw a wrench in their plans. Your ability to succeed is determined by your ability to control your perception and attitude towards each experience.
By controlling your attitude, you take the power back in any situation. Therefore, it doesn’t serve us to walk down those emotional paths. Instead, you should re-adjust and re-frame any tough situations surrounding your family’s homeschooling success.
Re-adjusting calls you to recognize negative thoughts about any situation. Then you must re-adjust and get away from your feelings. For me, I succeed in controlling my attitude when I give myself a readjustment period. Some individuals claim that right away, you should just reframe the situation, and miraculously, your mindset will change. I have found this to be far from true. Then I feel like I’m just lying to myself, and I become puzzled as to whether reframing actually works for me. So, instead, I take a readjustment period and I use it just to shake away all the negative thoughts. Putting myself in neutral allows me to realize how I can begin to solve the problem in front of me.
Here are some questions to ask yourself in the readjustment phase:
- • Is the situation you're facing as bad as you think it is?
- • Is it as bad as being born with only half of your body working?
- • Do the negative emotions I'm feeling now serve my future self?
- • Will future generations be upset about the problem I am facing?
Again, use this re-adjustment time to move into a neutral mentality. We will figure out how to solve the actual problem once we reframe it. To successfully solve the problem, you must attack it with the right intentions and attitude. I recommend even moving to a neutral place. This helps me succeed in readjusting, which can lead to reframing.
After you work through the readjustment period, you can begin to problem-solve. Remind yourself that whatever ripped apart your homeschooling day can be solved. Remember that you can control effort and attitude.
Continuing, I have a friend named Jamie, who has cerebral palsy. Jamie is a beautiful soul. He cannot speak or move his body. One time, Jamie’s cousin, Matt, came to watch one of my travel ball baseball games. During this game, I hit a pop fly back to the pitcher, and if you know anything about baseball, you understand how embarrassing it is. I proceeded to jog half-speed down to first base.
It wasn’t until later in the week that I met up with Matt to work on some hitting drills. But before we began, he reframed the situation so well that I’ve never questioned the ability of reframing since. He brought up the bat where I flew out to the pitcher and asked why I jogged instead of sprinting as fast as I could. I told him I was just upset and mad at my performance. He explained that Jamie would do anything to step up to the plate one time in his life and have all four of his limbs work. He wouldn’t care about the fact that he popped up. He would use this opportunity that God blessed him with to run down to first base as fast as his legs could move him. He would love to feel normal and to feel the wind blowing against his face. Matt also said that God blessed me with a fully functioning body, so every time I don’t use it, I am slapping Jamie across the face.
From that moment on, I ran as hard as I could down the baseline and on and off the field. Matt reframed my situation, which completely adjusted my attitude. The power of reframing is real! In fact, studies proved that Cognitive Reframing (CR) works.
How do you refrain successfully? First, you must drop your ego and recognize that any excuse comes from your ego itself. Next, you must put the situation into a real perspective.
To do this, you can:
- • Compare it to the worst possible situation
- • Figure out what you can learn and how you can grow from this situation
- • Figure out how to solve this situation and how it will help you as a homeschool parent
- • Look at the reality of the situation and understand that hardships will come, but it’s not impossible
In conclusion, if you change your perspective, your attitude will follow. Commit to readjusting and reframing for the entire homeschooling experience. Give yourself grace and be aware when you start to talk negatively to yourself. Discipline yourself and seek to control your attitude.
Source: What Is Cognitive Reframing? Understanding Cognitive Distortions & Negative Thoughts
