Advice on Emotional Regulation from a Fatherhood Coach

How to Slow Down as a Homeschool Parent

Introduction

Meet Tyler Graham & 3mph Fatherhood

Recently, NxtEra interviewed Tyler Graham, who is a fatherhood encourager and writer on LinkedIn. He runs his own fatherhood brand called 3mph Fatherhood, and he shares his fatherhood encouragement on LinkedIn, where he has over 13,000 followers. He is also a fatherhood coach, but is currently taking a step back from coaching.

Mr. Graham lives in South Carolina on a small homestead, is a father to six homeschooled children, and works full-time in healthcare technology. He and his family have homeschooled for over six years.

Mr. Graham explained that he and his wife have always wanted to homeschool since it seemed like a perfect fit for their family values. He explained that they learned homeschooling won't be perfect from the get-go. As homeschool parents, he and his wife had to experiment and learn new things. Homeschooling gives parents the freedom to experiment and try new things. It also allows families to adapt their philosophy and routine.

Allow homeschooling to be a bit bumpy and accept that it will be bumpy. Mr. Graham expressed that he and his wife held onto things too tightly and had to learn to let go. He explained that homeschool families should give themselves grace as they navigate the journey.

Currently, he shares his fatherhood encouragement on LinkedIn after it took off on the site. His wife homeschools and also runs a co-op with other homeschool moms. As a family, they realized that they needed to slow down, so they implemented several habits to practice slowing down.

Mr. Graham supplied several healthy, regulated tips on how to achieve a well-balanced homeschool journey.

Accept that the journey won't be perfect.

Take time to accept that your homeschooling journey won't be perfect. Understand that you may need to change curricula or learning methods. Let go of materials that don't help your family. Give yourself grace as you navigate these changes.
Give yourself grace.

Give yourself grace as you navigate these changes and when the journey starts to shift. Give yourself grace as you make difficult decisions. Practice saying positive, grace-giving statements to yourself.
Get outside when possible.

Take time to refresh yourself outside. Listen to the birds, smell the fresh air, and take in the sights around you to replenish and recharge your mind and body. This will do wonders as you embark on the struggles of a homeschooling journey.
Be aware of your zone.

Evaluate your zone when you feel upset or stressed.

🔵 Blue Zone You are disconnected or numbed out from your family. Perhaps you pick up your phone to distract yourself.

🔴 Red Zone You are overaware, reactive, or stressed. Physical signs may include a tight chest or jaw. You might easily snap or yell.

If you find yourself in either zone, develop personalized tools to help you become emotionally regulated and calm.
Take a time out and find your tools.

Once you realize you're in a "zone," take a time out. Go outside, breathe deeply, use an ice pack, or exercise. If you have an activity that brings you back to a calmer state, do it as soon as possible. If you can't immediately take time away, try breathing deeply or stepping away into another room for a minute or two.
Ask yourself, "Who do I want to be and who do I want my kids to remember?"

Mr. Graham emphasized the importance of having rooted intentions. Ask yourself the question above and dwell on who you want to be for your children. How do you want to be remembered after you die? What do you want your child to say in your eulogy?
Spend quality time together.

Practice unhurried attention. Take time to give attention to your kids. How do they like to connect with you? Meet them on a personal level and connect with them. If your son(s) like to play outside, get outside and throw a football. If your daughter(s) enjoy sitting quietly and talking, sit with them.
Prioritize date nights.

This step is important for the emotional health of your family. Make time to spend individual moments with your spouse. Pick a date on the calendar and go out to dinner as a scheduled activity. Also, Mr. Graham suggested date night swaps, where you and your friends trade kids. You could babysit your friends' children one night, and they could watch your kids on another night. On these dates, you could even discuss how to spend quality time with your children or the important habits listed above.
Say no.

Say no to activities or opportunities that don't align with your family's values or goals. If it impacts your family time and causes your family to rush, consider saying no. Some seasons may require you to become busier than others, but remember to prioritize your family values and quality time. If you have to say no, it's okay.

Connect with Tyler Graham and explore more from 3mph Fatherhood:

Encouragement & Next Steps

Mr. Graham provided several tips on how to become an emotionally healthy family. You can slowly integrate these tips and work on them for yourself. Remember to give yourself grace and slow down. It's okay if you make mistakes. You're human, and your homeschooling journey won't be perfect.

What matters most is that you try for your kids. That shows love and dedication to your family.